She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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