i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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