i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
