you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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