i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
