Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it glows. i had to have it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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