why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
