I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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