I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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