Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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