smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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