I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
