The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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