you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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