so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
