Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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