I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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