I wish my penis had an off switch
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
