I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
