Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
