just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
