omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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