I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
