as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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