textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
