my being single is dangerous.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
