how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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