just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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