She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
