I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
