I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
