I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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