My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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