i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
