When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
