After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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