I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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