weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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