Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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