Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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