I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
