My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
