I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
