Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
