I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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