Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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