I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
