you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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