just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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