Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
