you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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