The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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