Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
