dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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