Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
