Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize