I cockslap morals
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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