you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
