I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
