It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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