he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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