Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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