my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
