Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
