i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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