you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
