I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
im on a boat
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