dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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