so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
