I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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