Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
