a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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