look no pants
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
