I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
